Little Plastic Castle

So things are a bit sad around here today.  Grandma passed this morning.  It feels like she's been teetering on the edge for the last couple years.  Her loss is saddening but she is finally at peace and for those of you who believe in heaven, she is eating all the apple pie she wants and all sorts of sweets and goodies she once enjoyed and skipping about.  Hmmm, can't exactly picture grandma skipping, ever.  The sad part is the effect it is having on grandpa.  I woke him at 6am this morn to break the news and take him to pay regards before she was taken to the mortuary.  His response was why hadn't anyone told him she was suffering?  Why hadn't anyone told him she was sick?  He hadn't even gotten to see her or talk to her.  Fortunately, by perhaps some divine intervention, Terri had taken him to see her just last night and he was able to hold her hand and tell her he loved her as she poked and pinched him and dug her nails in him in their strange playful banter, perhaps her way of saying, "I love you too".  In moments of clarity, Grandpa can recall that last meeting and recounts how she smiled when he walked into the room and talked with him.  In other moments, he is frustrated that no one told him where she was, that she had been kept a secret from him, that she was up on the hillside all this time and never contacted her.  He forgets her death moment to moment.  Talk of funerals circulates the house and Grandpa follows like a lost puppy asking who died, "Grandma, Mom, Kay, your wife" the answer differs depending on who he asks.  And each time the news hits him like a ton of bricks.  There is an Ani Difranco song that says something about "goldfish have no memories, I guess their lives are much like mine, and the little plastic castle is a surprise every time."  Makes me think of grandpa, not the song but just the line.  But his plastic castle is something not so plastic and not so fantastic, more shocking and horrible.  It's sad to watch him go on this sick repetitive merri-go-round.  

Sorry for the somber tone.  It will be nice to have more people here to spend time with grandpa, to get him out and about, maybe a little therapeutic distraction from the confusion of his mind.

Sending my love to you all.  See you soon, 

Kristyn